Effective boundries with kids- barbed wires or creative words?

I once attended a workshop that gave a lot of attention to boundaries and how important they are in our relationships with children. I realize that you may have heard these before, but I thought that these “5 Characteristics...” were worth repeating.
C'mon, we can all use a refresher every once in a while right?

*Clarity
Boundaries are specific, and clearly communicated. They work best when your child understands what you’re requesting and you have their complete attention when doing so.
Let them know what positive consequences will occur if they cooperate.
Be sure that any time factors, specific requirements or conditions are spelled out for them.
For example, “ I’ll be glad to read your favorite Spidey book to you before bed once all of your toys are put back in that nifty basket in the corner.” Verses “Hey Johnny, get your stuff picked up right now or no story for you kiddo.”

*Win-Win
Good boundaries respect and consider the needs of everyone involved. They attempt to create ways for both you and your child to get what you want.
For example, “I'm excited to hear about that . You can tell me more as soon as I hang the phone up.” Verses “Stop bugging me, whats wrong with you, can’t you see I’m on the phone?”
Let's go with example number uno- you are able to finish your conversation and your child understands that you are aware of his desire to share with you and that you'll get back to him shortly. Now you've just created a win-win sitation. Bravo!!

*Being proactive
Boundaries also work well to prevent potential problems, and should be expressed before(this is VERY important) a problem occurs or before it is allowed to continue. If we let a child know what we expect of them, then they have a good chance in respecting that boundary and behaving like the wonderful children we know they are.
For example, “Lets be really quiet while walking past your sister while she’s sleeping. We can use our tippy toe feet and sneak right by her.” or “Let's hold hands all the way over to the park. I want to make sure I don't get lost”.
You are presenting an acceptable scenario before the activity or potential problem has even had a chance to unfold and become an issue.

*Positivity
Want an effective boundary? Then do your best to focus on the positive outcomes of a child’s cooperation. If we phrase them in positive promises rather than "I am the boss of you" threats we can forgo a power struggle. As most of us have experienced at some point in our lives(perhaps when we ourselves were children) power struggles usually end in more of a “I win - you lose” situation.
For example, “Once your your jacket is on we'll go outside and play that game you love. ” Verses- “If you don't get your jacket on right now your in big trouble.”
The first example leaves your child excited about what will happen as soon as he gets ready to go outside and keeps the focus positive.

*Follow through
Allowing a positive consequence to happen once a child has done what you’ve asked will communicate that you mean what you say and say what you mean. It increases the chances that your child will take you seriously, promote continued cooperation, and also help them to feel secure in the relationship you share.

Remembering these 5 characteristics will help avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing to get what you want from your child.
It's amazing how much the quality of time spent with our children can change if we are consistently aware of the manner in which we phrase things when addressing them. Try and be aware of how many negitive words creep into your daily vocabulary when talking with your child. Keep their focus on the prize- the benefit of their 'good' behavior.

Boundaries allow you to follow through without getting angry. They are tools, a road map if you will for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want and for letting them know what options are available to them.
None of us are perfect and will sometimes make mistakes. However remembering these tips will help your child feel that you are on their side and demonstrate the true meaning of discipline.

Feel free to comment below and share how you've created effective, positive boundries.
Miss DeAnna