Recently, I was doing some reading online and came across information about parent-child communication. Some may find these little jewels to be old favorites, some may be new and refreshingly simple. Whatever you want to call them, I think they are well worth repeating!
I figured that I would have a difficult time trying to “restate” them and do them justice. Therefore, the following are some excerpts from the article. If you’d like more on the topic, you can check it out for yourself at WWW.familyeducation.com .
Words to Parent By~Words and Phrases to Use at Least Once a Day
You can use these everyday phrases to instill confidence, self-respect, and thoughtfulness in your children.
Thank you.
It's important to acknowledge your child's efforts to help you or others. You might say: "Thanks for helping me look for that missing sock" or "Thanks for setting the table; I got the salad made while you were doing that."
Tell me more.
Words like these show your child that you are listening and that you would like to hear more about what's on her mind. "Tell me more" encourages conversation without passing judgment or giving immediate advice-two responses that discourage further communication from your child.
You can do it.
Your expression of confidence in your child's ability to do many things without your help is important. As your child grows older, there will be many times when your encouragement will mean the difference between his giving up on a challenging task to seeing it through.
How can I help?
Let your child know you are willing and available to help her accomplish a particular task that may be difficult for her to manage on her own. You might say: "I think you can read that story by yourself now. Let me know if you need help with a new word." As your child takes on projects in school, encourage her to think of specific steps that are necessary to complete a project. You both can decide which tasks your child can handle on her own and which ones she'll need help with.
Let's all pitch in.
A child is never too young to learn that cooperation and team effort make many jobs easier and speedier-and often more fun: "Let's all pitch in and finish raking the leaves so we can go in and bake cookies," or "Let's all pitch in and clean up or we'll miss the movie." Family activities and group chores can develop into pleasant rituals that enrich a child's life and create fond memories.
Please.
After all these years, "please" is still a classic. When you ask a favor of anyone-including children-this "magic word" acknowledges that you are asking for a behavior that will help you and/or make you happy. (P.S. Don't forget to say "thank you" when the job is done.)
Good job.
Good for you. Self-respect and self-confidence grow when your child's efforts and performance are rewarded. Whenever possible, give your child lots of praise. Be sure your praise is honest and specific. Focus on your child's efforts and progress, and help her identify her strengths.
It's time to...
"It's time to get ready for bed," or "do homework," or "turn off the TV." Young children need structure in their daily lives to provide a measure of security in an often insecure world. It is up to you as a parent to establish and maintain a workable schedule of activities, always remembering that children benefit from regular mealtimes and bedtimes.
I love you.
Everyone needs love and affection and a feeling of acceptance and belonging. We can't assume that children know and understand our love for them unless we tell them. Letting your child know that you love him (and showing him with countless hugs) is important not only in early childhood, but as he gets older too.
I'm sorry.
Parents need to acknowledge their own mistakes and express regret whenever they cause their child unhappiness or distress. "I'm sorry I got soap in your eyes," or "I'm sorry I wasn't listening; tell me again," or "I'm sorry I can't read any more stories to you; I have to make a phone call now." By expressing your sincere regret, you are showing your child that you are being considerate of her feelings and providing her with a model of good behavior as well.
No.
"No, don't do that; you might hurt someone," or "No, we don't behave that way," or "No, we don't have enough money to buy that." While many parents have a hard time saying 'no' to their children, these children can grow up without knowing how to respond to limits. Parents can provide children with some freedom of choice (for instance, let your child pick out his own outfit, or let him decide what he'd like to eat for lunch), but be prepared to set boundaries.
That's enough.
"That's enough TV," or candy, or roughhousing, or arguing. This phrase sets limits and paves the way for your child to develop a sense of self-control.
How do you suppose she/he feels?
Asking this question provides an opportunity for your child to consider the effects of her actions on another person, and it gives her the chance to develop empathy toward others. When you and your child read stories or watch TV shows together, look for opportunities to talk about the feelings of others.
This isn't working.
Can you think of another way? Considering alternative ways of behaving in difficult situations is one of the steps of problem solving-an important skill that is useful throughout life. How you respond to problems that arise in daily life, at home, or at work provides a model of behavior for your child.
Do you happen to have some helpful phrases that have helped you smooth out 'soon to be battle of wills'? Share them below in the comments!
~Miss DeAnna
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