Recently, I was doing some reading online and came across information about parent-child communication. Some may find these little jewels to be old favorites, some may be new and refreshingly simple. Whatever you want to call them, I think they are well worth repeating!
I figured that I would have a difficult time trying to “restate” them and do them justice. Therefore, the following are some excerpts from the article. If you’d like more on the topic, you can check it out for yourself at WWW.familyeducation.com .
Words to Parent By~Words and Phrases to Use at Least Once a Day
You can use these everyday phrases to instill confidence, self-respect, and thoughtfulness in your children.
Thank you.
It's important to acknowledge your child's efforts to help you or others. You might say: "Thanks for helping me look for that missing sock" or "Thanks for setting the table; I got the salad made while you were doing that."
Tell me more.
Words like these show your child that you are listening and that you would like to hear more about what's on her mind. "Tell me more" encourages conversation without passing judgment or giving immediate advice-two responses that discourage further communication from your child.
You can do it.
Your expression of confidence in your child's ability to do many things without your help is important. As your child grows older, there will be many times when your encouragement will mean the difference between his giving up on a challenging task to seeing it through.
How can I help?
Let your child know you are willing and available to help her accomplish a particular task that may be difficult for her to manage on her own. You might say: "I think you can read that story by yourself now. Let me know if you need help with a new word." As your child takes on projects in school, encourage her to think of specific steps that are necessary to complete a project. You both can decide which tasks your child can handle on her own and which ones she'll need help with.
Let's all pitch in.
A child is never too young to learn that cooperation and team effort make many jobs easier and speedier-and often more fun: "Let's all pitch in and finish raking the leaves so we can go in and bake cookies," or "Let's all pitch in and clean up or we'll miss the movie." Family activities and group chores can develop into pleasant rituals that enrich a child's life and create fond memories.
Please.
After all these years, "please" is still a classic. When you ask a favor of anyone-including children-this "magic word" acknowledges that you are asking for a behavior that will help you and/or make you happy. (P.S. Don't forget to say "thank you" when the job is done.)
Good job.
Good for you. Self-respect and self-confidence grow when your child's efforts and performance are rewarded. Whenever possible, give your child lots of praise. Be sure your praise is honest and specific. Focus on your child's efforts and progress, and help her identify her strengths.
It's time to...
"It's time to get ready for bed," or "do homework," or "turn off the TV." Young children need structure in their daily lives to provide a measure of security in an often insecure world. It is up to you as a parent to establish and maintain a workable schedule of activities, always remembering that children benefit from regular mealtimes and bedtimes.
I love you.
Everyone needs love and affection and a feeling of acceptance and belonging. We can't assume that children know and understand our love for them unless we tell them. Letting your child know that you love him (and showing him with countless hugs) is important not only in early childhood, but as he gets older too.
I'm sorry.
Parents need to acknowledge their own mistakes and express regret whenever they cause their child unhappiness or distress. "I'm sorry I got soap in your eyes," or "I'm sorry I wasn't listening; tell me again," or "I'm sorry I can't read any more stories to you; I have to make a phone call now." By expressing your sincere regret, you are showing your child that you are being considerate of her feelings and providing her with a model of good behavior as well.
No.
"No, don't do that; you might hurt someone," or "No, we don't behave that way," or "No, we don't have enough money to buy that." While many parents have a hard time saying 'no' to their children, these children can grow up without knowing how to respond to limits. Parents can provide children with some freedom of choice (for instance, let your child pick out his own outfit, or let him decide what he'd like to eat for lunch), but be prepared to set boundaries.
That's enough.
"That's enough TV," or candy, or roughhousing, or arguing. This phrase sets limits and paves the way for your child to develop a sense of self-control.
How do you suppose she/he feels?
Asking this question provides an opportunity for your child to consider the effects of her actions on another person, and it gives her the chance to develop empathy toward others. When you and your child read stories or watch TV shows together, look for opportunities to talk about the feelings of others.
This isn't working.
Can you think of another way? Considering alternative ways of behaving in difficult situations is one of the steps of problem solving-an important skill that is useful throughout life. How you respond to problems that arise in daily life, at home, or at work provides a model of behavior for your child.
Do you happen to have some helpful phrases that have helped you smooth out 'soon to be battle of wills'? Share them below in the comments!
~Miss DeAnna
11/9/08
Patience...how do we teach this to our kiddos?
With the holiday close at hand, I realize that the coming weeks will have me spending entirely too much time shopping.... I’m sure a few of you can empathize with me on this one. In the past, while standing in lines that seemed longer than any other I had ever stood in, I've noticed many exhausted children tugging mercilessly at their parents leg demanding attention. I'm sure it wasn't YOUR child... or maybe it was.
Regardless, frazzled parents would plead with their little one to be patient. (Somehow forgetting that their child has been in tow for the last 5 hours.) Some may offer bribes of promised goodies, or throw in a threat or two, hoping that one of these will work. I think I even may have overheard the grand daddy of them all murmured- “Santa doesn't bring toys to screaming little girls who embarrass their mommies in the mall!”
With all of the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives sometimes we may forget whom we are dealing with. These are the precious ones in our lives. The very ones that we work so hard to provide for, the ones who have changed our lives for the better. Keep this in mind!
We usually encounter several opportunities each day to demonstrate patience.
Say your child asks for your attention, and you reply “just a minute”, they have a very limited understanding of time. I'm pretty sure that 'just a minute' to them is about 12 seconds.
In a short while they come to you again, you remind them to be patient.
At 4 years old, it’s hard to know what being patient looks like exactly.
If you are a bit creative and more descriptive, something like, “When I’m finished loading the dishwasher I can help you with that.” they have something concrete to judge their waiting time by.
They will also be more “patient” if they are busy doing something. Just as we adults don’t like to feel like we are idle and wasting our time, your child will feel better if they are directed to an activity while they are waiting. Remember that receipt and pen in your purse? Now would be a good time to offer Susie an opportunity to create a special note for Grandma June.
Once you are ready to give them that attention, praise them for their patience. “Wow, you are so patient! You must be growing up!”
Here’s a challenge for all of us. Demonstrate patience each day right in front of your child. Let them know that this is what patience looks like. Here are some examples that we can exercise the whole “Look at me, I am a calm, patient parent” thing:
* When you’re stuck on the 405 with no end to the traffic in sight
* Standing in the line at the market waiting for a price check
* Waiting for your food at a busy restaurant
Maybe you could say something like, “Hmmm.... looks like we’re going to have to be very patient. This may take awhile.” Then you can follow up with an activity such as I spy, or ask if they can think of a word that begins with “s”?
By drawing attention to this virtue in our daily lives, we can help our children become patient. In doing so, we are helping them to develop a characteristic that will impact their lives forever. As we all know, living in L.A., gives us many chances to wait patiently!
How have you helped the children in your life to be patient?
Comment below and share it with the world.
-Miss DeAnna
Regardless, frazzled parents would plead with their little one to be patient. (Somehow forgetting that their child has been in tow for the last 5 hours.) Some may offer bribes of promised goodies, or throw in a threat or two, hoping that one of these will work. I think I even may have overheard the grand daddy of them all murmured- “Santa doesn't bring toys to screaming little girls who embarrass their mommies in the mall!”
With all of the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives sometimes we may forget whom we are dealing with. These are the precious ones in our lives. The very ones that we work so hard to provide for, the ones who have changed our lives for the better. Keep this in mind!
We usually encounter several opportunities each day to demonstrate patience.
Say your child asks for your attention, and you reply “just a minute”, they have a very limited understanding of time. I'm pretty sure that 'just a minute' to them is about 12 seconds.
In a short while they come to you again, you remind them to be patient.
At 4 years old, it’s hard to know what being patient looks like exactly.
If you are a bit creative and more descriptive, something like, “When I’m finished loading the dishwasher I can help you with that.” they have something concrete to judge their waiting time by.
They will also be more “patient” if they are busy doing something. Just as we adults don’t like to feel like we are idle and wasting our time, your child will feel better if they are directed to an activity while they are waiting. Remember that receipt and pen in your purse? Now would be a good time to offer Susie an opportunity to create a special note for Grandma June.
Once you are ready to give them that attention, praise them for their patience. “Wow, you are so patient! You must be growing up!”
Here’s a challenge for all of us. Demonstrate patience each day right in front of your child. Let them know that this is what patience looks like. Here are some examples that we can exercise the whole “Look at me, I am a calm, patient parent” thing:
* When you’re stuck on the 405 with no end to the traffic in sight
* Standing in the line at the market waiting for a price check
* Waiting for your food at a busy restaurant
Maybe you could say something like, “Hmmm.... looks like we’re going to have to be very patient. This may take awhile.” Then you can follow up with an activity such as I spy, or ask if they can think of a word that begins with “s”?
By drawing attention to this virtue in our daily lives, we can help our children become patient. In doing so, we are helping them to develop a characteristic that will impact their lives forever. As we all know, living in L.A., gives us many chances to wait patiently!
How have you helped the children in your life to be patient?
Comment below and share it with the world.
-Miss DeAnna
"These tastes.. they are a-chaaanging'
Most parents worry at one time or another about their child's eating habits. Some children ask for the same foods over and over again, some may refuse to try anything new, and some may constantly demand snacks. We've all experienced how our darling little Susie loved peas last week, but is sneaking them to Rover under the table tonight. Even though Rover may be a big fan of this, it may leave you feeling a bit unsettled.
It's pretty simple, children will eat what they like and leave the rest on the plate. Their needs and likes for certain foods will change often. When you start finding a stash of carrots in Jimmy's pockets as you get ready to launder them, please recite this mantra- "This is normal, and to be expected."
Try your best to remain flexible and not get hung up on the fact that your little sweetie's tastes are a changin'. So what if their love of peas has faded. There's a whole world of other healthy foods to chose from! One things is for sure, if they are hungry and their body is in need of nourishment, THEY WILL EAT! I can't ever remember reading any newspaper headline
"4 year old Picky eater starves to death."
First things first, start your daily routine by making breakfast a non-negotiable meal.
Breakfast is necessary to provide the nourishment and energy for their active day. It has been proven time and time again that children do better in school when they begin the day with breakfast. There's a reason it's called the most important meal of the day. That's because it is. Even if it's just some yogurt or an apple, having something in their tummy will make a difference. As a preschool teacher of 10 years, I can attest to this hands down. I assure you that I can trace a child's ability to maintain focus as well as their overall positive attitude entering the classroom back to what they had for breakfast.
I often hear concerns about children not eating their lunches at school. Remember that
lunch is a very social time for them. It usually seems to go in phases. They may eat well
one week, and not so well the next. You may want to invite them to help you make it the
night before. Give them some healthy choices of what they can pack and let them go at it!
Let your child be involved as much as possible in meal planning and preparation. He is more likely to eat foods that he has helped to put on the table. Cooking at home with your child encourages curiosity and motivation to try new foods. Pull up a stool and let your child add a cup of this and stir a bit of that. You'll see their little face beaming once their meal has hit the table! They may surprise you and try many a new dish if they've helped to create it.
Good luck and let me know how it goes! Feel free to share your ideas and comments on how you've dealt with picky eaters.
~Miss DeAnna
Effective boundries with kids- barbed wires or creative words?
I once attended a workshop that gave a lot of attention to boundaries and how important they are in our relationships with children. I realize that you may have heard these before, but I thought that these “5 Characteristics...” were worth repeating.
C'mon, we can all use a refresher every once in a while right?
*Clarity
Boundaries are specific, and clearly communicated. They work best when your child understands what you’re requesting and you have their complete attention when doing so.
Let them know what positive consequences will occur if they cooperate.
Be sure that any time factors, specific requirements or conditions are spelled out for them.
For example, “ I’ll be glad to read your favorite Spidey book to you before bed once all of your toys are put back in that nifty basket in the corner.” Verses “Hey Johnny, get your stuff picked up right now or no story for you kiddo.”
*Win-Win
Good boundaries respect and consider the needs of everyone involved. They attempt to create ways for both you and your child to get what you want.
For example, “I'm excited to hear about that . You can tell me more as soon as I hang the phone up.” Verses “Stop bugging me, whats wrong with you, can’t you see I’m on the phone?”
Let's go with example number uno- you are able to finish your conversation and your child understands that you are aware of his desire to share with you and that you'll get back to him shortly. Now you've just created a win-win sitation. Bravo!!
*Being proactive
Boundaries also work well to prevent potential problems, and should be expressed before(this is VERY important) a problem occurs or before it is allowed to continue. If we let a child know what we expect of them, then they have a good chance in respecting that boundary and behaving like the wonderful children we know they are.
For example, “Lets be really quiet while walking past your sister while she’s sleeping. We can use our tippy toe feet and sneak right by her.” or “Let's hold hands all the way over to the park. I want to make sure I don't get lost”.
You are presenting an acceptable scenario before the activity or potential problem has even had a chance to unfold and become an issue.
*Positivity
Want an effective boundary? Then do your best to focus on the positive outcomes of a child’s cooperation. If we phrase them in positive promises rather than "I am the boss of you" threats we can forgo a power struggle. As most of us have experienced at some point in our lives(perhaps when we ourselves were children) power struggles usually end in more of a “I win - you lose” situation.
For example, “Once your your jacket is on we'll go outside and play that game you love. ” Verses- “If you don't get your jacket on right now your in big trouble.”
The first example leaves your child excited about what will happen as soon as he gets ready to go outside and keeps the focus positive.
*Follow through
Allowing a positive consequence to happen once a child has done what you’ve asked will communicate that you mean what you say and say what you mean. It increases the chances that your child will take you seriously, promote continued cooperation, and also help them to feel secure in the relationship you share.
Remembering these 5 characteristics will help avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing to get what you want from your child.
It's amazing how much the quality of time spent with our children can change if we are consistently aware of the manner in which we phrase things when addressing them. Try and be aware of how many negitive words creep into your daily vocabulary when talking with your child. Keep their focus on the prize- the benefit of their 'good' behavior.
Boundaries allow you to follow through without getting angry. They are tools, a road map if you will for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want and for letting them know what options are available to them.
None of us are perfect and will sometimes make mistakes. However remembering these tips will help your child feel that you are on their side and demonstrate the true meaning of discipline.
Feel free to comment below and share how you've created effective, positive boundries.
Miss DeAnna
C'mon, we can all use a refresher every once in a while right?
*Clarity
Boundaries are specific, and clearly communicated. They work best when your child understands what you’re requesting and you have their complete attention when doing so.
Let them know what positive consequences will occur if they cooperate.
Be sure that any time factors, specific requirements or conditions are spelled out for them.
For example, “ I’ll be glad to read your favorite Spidey book to you before bed once all of your toys are put back in that nifty basket in the corner.” Verses “Hey Johnny, get your stuff picked up right now or no story for you kiddo.”
*Win-Win
Good boundaries respect and consider the needs of everyone involved. They attempt to create ways for both you and your child to get what you want.
For example, “I'm excited to hear about that . You can tell me more as soon as I hang the phone up.” Verses “Stop bugging me, whats wrong with you, can’t you see I’m on the phone?”
Let's go with example number uno- you are able to finish your conversation and your child understands that you are aware of his desire to share with you and that you'll get back to him shortly. Now you've just created a win-win sitation. Bravo!!
*Being proactive
Boundaries also work well to prevent potential problems, and should be expressed before(this is VERY important) a problem occurs or before it is allowed to continue. If we let a child know what we expect of them, then they have a good chance in respecting that boundary and behaving like the wonderful children we know they are.
For example, “Lets be really quiet while walking past your sister while she’s sleeping. We can use our tippy toe feet and sneak right by her.” or “Let's hold hands all the way over to the park. I want to make sure I don't get lost”.
You are presenting an acceptable scenario before the activity or potential problem has even had a chance to unfold and become an issue.
*Positivity
Want an effective boundary? Then do your best to focus on the positive outcomes of a child’s cooperation. If we phrase them in positive promises rather than "I am the boss of you" threats we can forgo a power struggle. As most of us have experienced at some point in our lives(perhaps when we ourselves were children) power struggles usually end in more of a “I win - you lose” situation.
For example, “Once your your jacket is on we'll go outside and play that game you love. ” Verses- “If you don't get your jacket on right now your in big trouble.”
The first example leaves your child excited about what will happen as soon as he gets ready to go outside and keeps the focus positive.
*Follow through
Allowing a positive consequence to happen once a child has done what you’ve asked will communicate that you mean what you say and say what you mean. It increases the chances that your child will take you seriously, promote continued cooperation, and also help them to feel secure in the relationship you share.
Remembering these 5 characteristics will help avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing to get what you want from your child.
It's amazing how much the quality of time spent with our children can change if we are consistently aware of the manner in which we phrase things when addressing them. Try and be aware of how many negitive words creep into your daily vocabulary when talking with your child. Keep their focus on the prize- the benefit of their 'good' behavior.
Boundaries allow you to follow through without getting angry. They are tools, a road map if you will for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want and for letting them know what options are available to them.
None of us are perfect and will sometimes make mistakes. However remembering these tips will help your child feel that you are on their side and demonstrate the true meaning of discipline.
Feel free to comment below and share how you've created effective, positive boundries.
Miss DeAnna
Got Attititude? How important is it?
No doubt you know the old saying, “Do you choose to look at the glass half empty or half full?”
I was reminded how important attitude is while recently reading a paragraph written by Charles Swindoll. I hope that it helps you to keep things in perspective as it did me.
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the facts. It is more important than the past, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past; we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. We are in charge of our attitudes."
Often when we are caught up in that whirlwind we call our lives, we easily lose sight of how true the preceding paragraph is. It is so important as role models to our children that we consistently demonstrate a positive attitude. This is especially true since we as parents/teachers are continuing to encounter a barrage of stressors in everyday life.
Be assured that your little one is absorbing life lessons each time they are demonstrated by you, their most beloved and influential teacher. Every time you react to a difficult situation by demonstrating a 'can do' attitude, you are helping your child to build up important life skills that will serve them for years to come. Unlike last year's birthday toys, this is a gift that will undoubtedly keep on giving! Demonstrate to them how to cope with adverse situations and keep a healthy perspective no matter what life tosses their way. Each day is a chapter in your child's school of life. How will they do when tested? How have you prepared them?
Remember our days are filled with opportunities to teach our children..... and attitude... Attitude is everything.
-Miss DeAnna
I was reminded how important attitude is while recently reading a paragraph written by Charles Swindoll. I hope that it helps you to keep things in perspective as it did me.
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the facts. It is more important than the past, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past; we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. We are in charge of our attitudes."
Often when we are caught up in that whirlwind we call our lives, we easily lose sight of how true the preceding paragraph is. It is so important as role models to our children that we consistently demonstrate a positive attitude. This is especially true since we as parents/teachers are continuing to encounter a barrage of stressors in everyday life.
Be assured that your little one is absorbing life lessons each time they are demonstrated by you, their most beloved and influential teacher. Every time you react to a difficult situation by demonstrating a 'can do' attitude, you are helping your child to build up important life skills that will serve them for years to come. Unlike last year's birthday toys, this is a gift that will undoubtedly keep on giving! Demonstrate to them how to cope with adverse situations and keep a healthy perspective no matter what life tosses their way. Each day is a chapter in your child's school of life. How will they do when tested? How have you prepared them?
Remember our days are filled with opportunities to teach our children..... and attitude... Attitude is everything.
-Miss DeAnna
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